You Might Be A Nurse

discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you

you have the bladder capacity of five people

you have your weekends off planned for a year in advance

you believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an evil plot thought up by satan

you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase, "wow, it's really quiet" is uttered

your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers

you mutter "great veins" when being introduced to a complete stranger

you have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call

you believe chocolate is a food group

you have ever restrained someone and it wasn't a sexual experience

you think that caffeine should be available in IV form

your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergencey after 6 years?"

you have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control

you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck there"

you have ever had a patient say " I have never had sex, how can I be pregnant?"

you have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food

your feet are flatter and tougher than Fred Flinstone's

your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the back yard

you get an almost irresistable urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants

when checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the correct answers

you always try to schedule your days off around
the phases of the moon

your alcoholically challenged patients patients know you by your first name and can point to "their room"

the hems of your scrub pants are held in with 3-0 chromic or steristrips

you refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors"

you are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day at work

your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat

you've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of needles"

you believe that the sight of the full moon can ruin a perfectly good day

you stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth when coughing or sneezing

your family members must have a fever of 105 or be missing a limb with active bleeding in order to receive your sympathy

you've ever sworn your are going to have "NO CODE" tattooed on your chest

you have been chipping away at your BSN for longer than most people take for a doctorate